Wild Water Guess That Disease Kingdom!

So the boyfriend and I decided we would try a water park that was advertised as Canada's only salt water park.
Turns out what they should have advertised was a festering cesspool of bandaids and bad vibes.

To begin, we started our journey on a high note. Starbucks breakfast and sun with the windows down as we drove.
After a couple of hours of driving and barely managing to make it to the park after a significant amount of time weaving through all the weird sketchy side roads...we made it!
'Wild Water Kingdom"
We were directed by an incredibly rude staff member to what is by no other definition...a field.
Hundreds of cars crammed in beside each other with what Aaron liked to call "reeds" pressing up against the front of the cars.

Now please don't read this with some strange idea that I have incredibly high standards.
I am pretty easy going, and am by no means a "germaphobe"...but this place....UGH, I can not even find words to describe the filth.

We stood in line for WAY too long to be let in to what would be the sketchiest place on earth.
NOT KIDDING
Disney is supposed to be the "happiest place".
Well this is the "Sketchiest". UGH

We ended up going on ONE ride which was a giant slide that drops you at such a high angle that your body comes OFF of the slide when you fall. Now this wouldnt be so bad is it were not for the fact that the sides of the slide were less than a foot tall and you could literally plummet to your death if you didnt stay PERFECTLY still the whole time.

The entire park could be seen in a total of three minutes if you actually want to walk that long on the...wait for it...CARPETED PATHS they have at the park. I swear you could taste the mold and disease in the air.

The biggest structure there was the first aid building. BIIIGGGG shocker there.
Even if you got hurt, youd have to wait in line for it. Thats right...there is a line outside the first aid building, which, again big shocker, was also a centre for 'Missing Children".

To make things even more appealing, Aaron pointed out the children's area of the park that had diarrhea colored water...mmmmmmmmm.

The slides were not ever worth getting in line for, but if you did...you had to wait in another line to RENT a tube.
Ya, you rent a tube to use the whole day.
That means after you spend $8 per tube, you need to have it with you at ALL times after the rental, or someone will take it.
Don't plan on going to the bathroom or sitting down to eat, because your $8 dollar tube will be gone before you can blink.

At one point there was what looked like a naked obese woman, who turned out to be a man with so much back fat, he had back boobs...complete with zit nipples that I have no doubt were a product of swimming in the water at the park.

Bottom line is...DO NOT GO TO WILD WATER KINGDOM.
If you do, you will get Aids, another STD or pregnant (which would not surprise me).

Aaron and I left to go to Canada's Wonderland after 15 minutes and spent the whole way there coming up with different names and things to say about this disturbing water park.
Here are some of the names:

• Brown Water Syphilis Kingdom
• Gout Park
• Cancer Kingdom
• Gonorrheaville
• STD City 

 The whole experience is hilarious to us now, and makes for a good story, but please save yourselves the time and avoid this place altogether.
 I hope you are entertained by our misfortune.

BUHBYENOW